The Wife – Part Three Page 3

  Michael. I haven’t checked his whereabouts for a while now, so I pull out my phone to see where he is. I check the tracker. He’s at work. Or he’s in his building, anyway. He’s at the university. But that means nothing. She could be with him, in his office. He’s also made a few calls this morning, all work-related by the looks of it. And there’s been one call to him. A number I don’t recognize this time. And that makes my stomach turn, I’ve never seen that number before. Is that her number? Ava’s? Has she made this easy for me now?

  I take a deep breath, put my phone away and head back to my office. I might just have time to check that call before Liam gets here.

  ‘I’m taking a break for lunch now, Carmen. Can you take charge for an hour or so? There are a few things I need to catch up on in the office. Oh, and Liam’s on his way. Tell him to come straight through when he gets here. Thanks.’

  Am I playing with fire? Sailing a little too close to the wind? Are Liam’s visits becoming so frequent that others may start to suspect something’s going on? I don’t think so. I think we’re okay. My husband, on the other hand, his time may well be up. Soon.

  Closing the door behind me I head straight for my laptop, slip the earphones into my ears and log into Michael’s call history. I find that call that was made to him – the one from a number I don’t recognize – and I play it back, my heart hammering so hard I have to turn up the volume. And it’s Michael’s voice I hear first. A simple ‘hello’. He sounds distracted. A female voice answers him, tells him she needs to see him. Needs to talk to him. His voice becomes slightly more agitated as he tells her she shouldn’t call him on this phone. I feel sick. Is it her? Is that what she sounds like? He tells her to stop by his office as soon as she can, before that afternoon’s lecture. And then he ends the call.

  It’s her. I know it’s her. Ava. I’m certain of that now.

  I sit back in my chair, stare blankly at the laptop screen. I don’t know what to do. That conversation didn’t exactly incriminate anyone, it didn’t give me anything that told me they’re definitely having an affair, but his voice – he sounded irritated. Slightly angry. She shouldn’t be calling him on that phone …

  The door opening pulls me back from my paranoia and I look up. I see Liam closing the door behind him, and just the sight of him makes a little of that paranoia disappear. For now.

  ‘Was it my idea?’

  Liam frowns; he doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

  ‘To keep our past a secret from Michael? Was it my idea? I can’t remember …’

  I trail off, stand up and go over to the window to pull down the blind, plunging my office into semi-darkness. There wasn’t all that much of a past to keep secret, in reality. What Liam and I had before, it was nothing more than sex. Pretty much exactly what we have now, except I wasn’t married then. But I don’t feel married now. I feel like I lost my husband a long time ago, but I’ll get him back. This, what I’m doing, sleeping with Liam – I see it as a kind of therapy. It’s keeping me on the right side of sane; without this release I’d be on the brink of a breakdown. This helps keep that at bay.

  ‘I really don’t think it matters anymore, Ellie.’

  I turn around, tilting my head to one side as I look at him. ‘Maybe not.’

  He throws his jacket down on the couch in the corner and comes over to me. He cups my cheek, leans in to kiss me and the second his lips touch mine I feel that release start to build. I feel the paranoia recede a little further, allowing the escape to begin. I feel the darkness lift; my temporary respite is here.

  I loosen his shirt, slip it back off his shoulders. Sometimes I just need to feel his skin against mine, warm and hard, his strong arms holding me close, keeping me safe.

  For a second or two we just look at each other, and I’m aware of my heart pounding, pushing the breath out of me in short, sharp pants as his mouth lowers down onto mine. I crave the way he kisses me. I crave the taste of him, the smell of him, he’s my medicine.

  He reaches down, lays a hand on my leg and he keeps it there, he doesn’t move it. I feel his fingers dig into my flesh as his eyes bore into mine. He’s teasing me, taunting me, he doesn’t make it easy but that’s why I need him. He forces me to play these games until I have no other option but to give myself to him, and I want him to take me, to bring a small shard of sunlight into my darkened world. I want him to touch me, I want him to push the pain away. I want him inside me.

  I keep my eyes locked on his as he slides my dress up over my thighs, tugs at my knickers, nudging them down, and I help him. I wriggle out of them, kick them away, let him push my legs apart with his knee, and my heart is pounding so hard it’s threatening to break through my ribs. Outside I can hear the sound of the spa going about its daily business, while I’m in here, doing this, but it’s that danger of being caught that drives me. The excitement is addictive.

  I place my hands on Liam’s naked chest, look back up into his deep, grey eyes. His skin is warm and smooth, taut beneath my palms. I kiss his slightly open mouth. I breathe him in. Escaping. I’m not here anymore, in this cruel world I’ve been forced to live in. I’m not there. I’m somewhere else, that place I want to be, where Michael and I have a future. Where our child is alive and we’ve never known the kind of heartache we live with every day now. I’m somewhere happy and bright, as light as the yellow on the walls of our dead child’s nursery. I’m there. Liam takes me there, he always does. He touches me, and I come here.

  I bite down on my lip, throw back my head and close my eyes as he pushes his fingers inside me, his mouth covering my neck in tiny, featherlight kisses. My heart’s beating impossibly fast, my body wracked with the most beautiful shivers. He’s doing what he knows he can do so well, bringing me to a crashing climax, one silenced by his mouth covering mine. He swallows down my moans, takes my pleasure as his own, and when I’m done he instructs me to open my eyes and look at him, right at him. He knows what he does; he gives me the strength to carry on, the energy I need as I try and put my shattered life back together. That’s why I can’t let him go, I can’t stop this. I won’t.

  ‘She called him,’ I whisper as I run my fingers ever-so-lightly over his rough jaw line. ‘I listened to it. The call. I heard them, talking.’

  He takes hold of my hand, strokes my knuckles with his thumb, but I keep my eyes on his.

  ‘Michael was your best friend back then, when we were together. Why did you never introduce me to him?’

  I’d never really thought about it at the time. I’d never questioned the fact that Liam had never once introduced me to any of his friends, not just Michael. I’d never met any of them and I hadn’t questioned it because what we’d had, it was nothing. Just sex. And I’m not even sure why I’m questioning it now, I just want to know.

  I feel his hand squeeze mine a little tighter, but he doesn’t break the stare. His eyes continue to burn into mine. ‘Michael was – he would’ve drawn you in, Ellie.’

  I frown. ‘Drawn me in?’

  ‘All he needed to do was smile and women came running. You came running. Eventually. At the time, I didn’t want to lose you, so, I kept him in the background.’

  ‘And now we’re doing the same to him.’

  ‘No. This isn’t the same.’

  I slide a hand onto his back, stroke his skin with my fingertips. I don’t know if I’m done with him yet. ‘You said you didn’t want to lose me.’

  ‘I didn’t.’ He shrugs. ‘But you went anyway.’

  ‘I thought you didn’t want anything serious?’

  ‘I didn’t.’ He steps back from me, grabs his shirt from the floor and puts it back on. I stay where I am, watching him. ‘But you stopped returning my calls, so …’

  He leaves that sentence unfinished, and I frown again. But I don’t dwell on it. I have enough to think about. What happened in the past, between me and Liam, well, that’s in the past. I need to focus on the future.

  I go over to him, press my body against hi
s. I kiss him, feel his fingers wind into my hair, pulling my head back. I let him push me against the wall, let his fingers scratch lightly over my skin, his beard rough against my neck as he kisses it. His mouth touches mine one more time before he takes his jacket and leaves. We’re done, for now. And that’s fine. I’m okay with that, I have work to do. He gave me what I needed, it’s time to get on with my day.

  I quickly pull myself together, open the blinds, call Carmen to let her know I’ll be out for the rest of the day.

  I’m going to see my husband.

  Chapter 4

  I know he has a lecture this afternoon. I know, because he mentioned it in that phone call. He told her – Ava – to come and see him, in his office, before that afternoon’s lecture. So, I went home after Liam’s visit and accessed Michael’s timetable from his desktop computer. I found out the time of that lecture. A lecture I’m assuming she’s going to be attending. That’s what I got from that call. Because I’m still certain it was her. He never called her by her name, but I know it was her, calling my husband. Asking to see him. To talk to him.

  What about, Michael? What does she want to talk to you about? Your trip to Cardiff? A couple of sordid hours in a cheap hotel? What does she need to see you about, Professor Travers?

  I’m at the university now. I’m going to that lecture, because I need to see them together. I need to see, for myself, those tell-tale signs. I need to do something. And I don’t want him to know I’m here, that would be pointless, so, I need to stay back, just until the lecture starts. Then I’m going to quietly sneak into the back of the theatre, and watch him at work. Watch her, at work. Stealing my husband. Fluttering her teenage eyelashes at a man old enough to be her father. A man she can’t have. None of them can have him, and Michael, he needs to realize that he has to stop this, he has to put an end to these infatuated girls, he has to stop playing up to them. It’s dangerous. Look what happened before. The repercussions are slowly destroying us, and we can’t deal with it a second time. We can’t.

  I stand back as the last of the students file into the lecture theatre. Michael’s already inside, I can hear him, chatting away as he sets up, his deep voice easily heard even though he’s right down there on the floor. It’s not the first time I’ve sneaked into one of his lectures, it’s just that, all the other times I’ve done it, he knew about it. He knew I was there, and it was fun, watching him. This isn’t fun. This is necessary.

  I slip inside behind the last of the students, find a seat at the very back of the hall, and already my eyes are scanning the room. Is Ava here yet? Please don’t make this a wasted journey … no, she’s here. She’s down at the front, where else would she be? I can just about make her out, and I squint slightly, to make sure, but then she stands up and I can see her face a little more clearly. It’s definitely her. She’s wearing that same unflattering jumper she was wearing the first time I saw her, skinny jeans and black ankle boots, her dark hair pulled back off her face in a loose ponytail. Even from way up here I can’t fail to notice how pretty she is. How young she is. Just like the last one. The one who invaded our home, kicked our baby to death. So, my husband – he needs to put a stop to this. To her. He needs to rid himself of his distraction. Am I going to have to do it for him?

  I watch her as she laughs with her friends, and then I glance over at Michael, but he isn’t looking in her direction. He’s talking to another student, a young man wearing a Foo Fighters t-shirt, ripped jeans and Converse trainers. But she’s looking at him. At Michael. She’s watching him, talking to this student, even though she’s still chatting to her friends. And I wait for him to turn and see her watching him, but it doesn’t happen.

  He calls an end to the chatter, asks everyone to sit down. Be quiet. And within seconds he has them all in the palm of his hand. My husband. The popular professor.

  I spend the next hour watching both of them, trying to catch a glimpse of them glancing at the other, but I’ve either blinked and missed it or it just hasn’t happened. Should that surprise me? After all, if something’s going on between the two of them, the last thing Michael will do is anything that could give them away. So I wait, I stay put until the lecture ends. Until he dismisses them, starts packing away his things. I stand up and back off into the doorway, I can’t stay seated now. Everyone’s leaving, he’ll notice me if I stay. So I hide in the doorway, keep my eyes on him because she’s still there. She’s still there, even though her friends are leaving, filing out up the stairs towards the entrance I’m standing just outside of, far away enough to remain unnoticed but close enough to see what’s happening.

  I wait, craning my neck above the crowd of students still streaming out of the lecture theatre, because I need to see what’s going on now. Has she left? Is she still down there? I can’t see … no. She’s still there. She picks up her files, hugs them close to her chest, and I feel my breath catch in my throat as she walks over to Michael.

  I edge closer to the doorway, giving myself a slightly clearer view, and I watch as she approaches him. I watch as he turns around and throws her a smile, but it’s a very brief one. It’s almost as if he’s remembered where he is, and that smile is wiped off his face in a heartbeat.

  He leans in closer to her, rests a hand on her arm. They exchange a few words, she doesn’t take her eyes off him. Are they arranging the trip to Cardiff? The hotel they’ll sleep in? The room they’ll fuck in? Is that what’s happening here?

  I feel my stomach turn over and over as I continue to watch their exchange. She takes her phone out of her pocket, finally pulling her eyes away from Michael as she scrolls down, looking for something. She shows him the screen, and he scribbles something down on a piece of paper, tucks it into his pocket. Will that piece of paper still be there when he gets home? Will I be able to find it? See what he’s just written down?

  Nausea floods me, rising up from my belly into my throat, but I swallow it down. I need to stay here, I need to watch this, until it ends. Until she leaves. Only then am I leaving.

  She puts her phone away, starts talking to Michael again, and he stands there, listening to her. Her listens, to her. He doesn’t listen to me. And that fills me with an unbearable sadness, a dark anger; it’s becoming harder to control so many conflicting emotions.

  He reaches out, places a hand on her shoulder, and he smiles at her. She smiles back. He squeezes her shoulder and turns away from her. It’s over. Whatever that was, it’s over. She’s heading out now. It’s my time to leave. He can’t know I was here.

  I make my way to his office, to see Sue. I really can’t remember whether he told me about Cardiff or not, but I’m still convinced he didn’t. Because he wants to take her. He doesn’t want me to know, he’s going to spin me some lie, I’m sure of it now. But Sue won’t be aware of that. She’ll just assume I know about his trip, that he’s told me, because that’s what husbands do, right? They talk to their wives. They tell them when they’re going away. They talk to them. But my husband – I think he’s going to lie to me. Again.

  ‘Ellie! What a nice surprise. Michael isn’t here, though, he’s just finishing a lecture.’

  ‘Oh, that’s a shame. I was hoping to catch him. I was on my way into town to pick up a few things for the spa, and I just wondered if he needed anything. Never mind. It’s not important.’

  ‘I can pass on a message, if you like? Get him to call you.’

  ‘No, it’s fine. I’ll call him myself … Actually, before I go, Sue, you couldn’t check his calendar for me, could you? Some friends of ours are organizing a dinner party next week and I need to check when Michael’s free. You know, when he hasn’t got an evening of tutorials or meetings.’

  ‘Just let me look for you … well, as you know he’s in Cardiff next Monday and Tuesday, but apart from that …’

  ‘Cardiff?’

  Sue frowns. ‘He’s giving a guest lecture there next week. Didn’t he tell you?’

  I wave a dismissive hand in the air, I laugh it off.
‘You know, he might’ve done, but I’ve had so much on my mind lately what with all the publicity for the spa and now the wedding venue side of things taking off, I totally forgot about Cardiff!’ I check my watch. I need to leave now, before Michael gets back. ‘Anyway, I’d better go. I need to be back at work in half an hour.’

  Sue smiles at me. She’s bought my act, she’s given me what I need. I can mention Cardiff now, and Michael will have to tell me. Whatever lie he was planning to spin me, he can’t do that now.

  He’s going to tell me everything.

  Eventually.

  Chapter 5

  ‘What were you doing at the university this afternoon, Ellie?’

  I leave a brief silence before I answer him. ‘I came to see you, but you were busy. Is that a problem?’

  He sits down and drops his head, clasps his hands together between his knees. I see his shoulders sag, hear him sigh. I’m the problem. And I don’t want to be that anymore, but he’s forcing my hand, he’s making me do these things, to save us.

  ‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Cardiff.’ He looks up at me. His expression’s changed now. It’s softer. Kinder.

  Is that because I almost caught you out, Michael?

  ‘You might’ve mentioned it.’ I shrug. ‘We’ve both been really busy. Things get left out. Forgotten.’

  You’re forgetting me, Michael.

  He nods, and I can see him wringing his hands, does he know he’s doing that?

  ‘You have to stop dropping by like that, Ellie. Unannounced. I’m really busy right now, and I don’t need …’

  He leaves it there, doesn’t finish that sentence, and I feel another piece of me die.

  He’s slipping away from me, faster than I thought. I need to move quicker, fix this quicker.

  ‘You don’t need what, Michael? Me? You don’t need me?’

  ‘Not like this, Ellie.’ The agitation has returned to his voice, his tone’s harsher. Irritated. And that’s all he says. He gets up, he leaves the living room, leaves me alone. Again. I hear him go into the kitchen, then head upstairs a couple of minutes later. I feel tears prick the back of my eyes and I blink hard, squeezing my eyes tight shut, I don’t want to cry. Crying won’t help anything.