The Wife – Part Three Page 7

  ‘If he wants to leave, Ellie, he’ll leave.’

  ‘Why are you doing this?’

  He grabs my hand and pulls me up out of my seat, giving me just enough time to grab my bag before he almost drags me out of the hotel, away from where Michael could see us. Back towards the car park.

  ‘What the hell are you doing?’

  ‘You need to leave this alone. Seriously. You need to walk away before you do something really stupid.’

  I pull my arm back and then I stand still. He has no choice but to face me, to listen to me.

  ‘You saw that, right? You saw him, with that girl. And you remember what happened, the last time a student got close to Michael?’

  ‘This isn’t that, Ellie! Jesus!’

  ‘No, you’re right, this isn’t that. This is worse. Because he’s letting this happen, he could stop it, this time, but instead he’s encouraging it. And I’m not going through that again, I can’t go through that again …’

  He takes my hand and pulls me into his arms. He holds me, and he’s just trying to calm me down, I know that. But I am calm. I’m completely in control here, I know exactly what I’m doing.

  ‘You know, maybe it really is time to let him go, Ellie. Maybe the only way you can let all of this go is to let Michael go.’

  I pull back. I look at him.

  ‘It’s hurting you too much, baby. It’s slowly killing you, and I’ve had enough of watching you go through this.’

  ‘You think I should leave him?’

  He reaches out, gently trails his fingertips over my cheek, down over my neck, my collarbone, and I feel a shiver race up my spine. ‘Before he leaves you,’ he whispers as he leans right into me, his mouth so close to my ear it almost touches it.

  I grab hold of his wrist, pull his hand away from my face. ‘He isn’t going to leave me, Liam.’

  He isn’t going to get the chance …

  Chapter 10

  ‘Come back to bed’, he murmurs into my hair, his body pressed up against mine as I stand at the window, looking out over the garden.

  I fall back against him, let his arm circle my waist. ‘I need to get ready. I have to go to work, and so do you.’

  I glance over at the clock on the wall as Liam kisses my neck, drops his hand to my hip. It’s almost seven-thirty. Monday morning. Michael’s in Cardiff now. Alone? I have no idea. Liam made me leave the hotel yesterday before I had a chance to see what happened between my husband and Ava. He may be alone, she may be with him, I don’t know.

  I lay my head against Liam’s shoulder and stare back out at the garden. ‘I should call him. I should call Michael.’

  Liam’s fingers sink into my flesh, and I feel his body stiffen behind mine. ‘Why?’

  ‘I want to know if he’s okay. He didn’t leave on the best of terms, but we’ve both calmed down now. I need to know if he’s coming home.’

  ‘Give him some space, Ellie.’

  ‘He’s in Cardiff. How much more space does he want?’

  He slides a hand underneath my short nightdress, trails his fingers along my inner thigh. My widening my stance is nothing more than a reflex action.

  ‘I need to talk to him, Liam.’

  ‘No, you don’t. Calling him is a mistake, Ellie. It makes you look needy. Let him come to you.’

  ‘And what if he doesn’t?’

  He’s touching me now, and I like it. He’s calming me, and I reach behind me for his hand, feel his fingers slide between mine.

  A beautiful inner peace floods me, and I squeeze his hand tight as my knees give way slightly. But I know he’d catch me if I fell.

  ‘Let him come to you, Ellie,’ he whispers, and I turn around in his arms, lean back against the glass door behind me. Maybe he’s right. If I give Michael the space he needs, he’ll come back to me. Maybe. I’m still not sure.

  ‘I thought you wanted me to leave him? I thought you wanted us to leave here, together?’

  ‘I do. I’ve wanted that for a long time.’

  ‘You’re his best friend, Liam.’

  ‘And I’m fucking his wife … Can you not see what’s happening here, Ellie?’

  I start to walk away, I’m not in the mood for a long conversation. I need to get to work. But he grabs my wrist, pulls me back around to face him.

  ‘Can you not see the huge mess we’re all in?’

  He has no idea, of the mess we’re in. He has no fucking idea.

  ‘You’re all kinds of messed-up, because you think your husband is sleeping with one of his students, yet you‘re sleeping with me.’

  ‘And you know why I’m doing that.’

  ‘So, it’s okay for you to cheat on him, but if he does it to you that’s wrong?’

  ‘Why are you doing this? I don’t understand …’

  He slips an arm around my waist, drops his hand to my bottom as he pushes me against him; as he kisses me, deep and dirty, I feel my stomach do a million tiny somersaults. I’m breathless, slowly being dragged under by this man, but I need to pull myself back. He’s my distraction, nothing more. He’s my best friend with a thousand benefits, but he can never be anything more than that. I love my husband.

  ‘I love you, Ellie. I love you.’

  ‘Michael loves me,’ I whisper, and Liam kisses me again, he pushes me deeper under, and I may flail for a second or two but I’m not drowning.

  ‘How can he love you? When he treats you the way he does? How can you really love him when you’re here, with me?’

  I shake my head, but he rests his palm against my cheek, he makes me look at him. Makes me look into his eyes. I feel like I’m drowning now. And then he comes even closer, his breath warm on my neck, his lips vibrating against my skin as he speaks.

  ‘Maybe it’s time to let go.’

  He steps back from me, his eyes remaining fixed on mine for a couple more beats before he grabs his suit jacket from the back of a chair and shrugs it on. He drags a hand through his hair, grabs his car keys from the dresser and he turns to look at me. Dr Liam Kennedy. Tall. Handsome. So different to Michael. And I don’t want to need him, but I do.

  ‘Don’t call him, Ellie. That really would be a mistake.’

  Chapter 11

  It’s been good to have to place so much focus on work. I need to have something other than Liam to take my mind off Michael. Off her. The spa is busy so much of the time, and it’s only going to get busier as we start to take on weddings. And the salons are all thriving. I have so many distractions … Is that all Liam is? Just a distraction?

  I’m behind reception in the Durham salon when I hear the door open, and I glance up, smiling, ready to greet another client. But it isn’t a client. It’s Michael.

  ‘Hi.’ He smiles a small smile, his hands in his pockets, a look on his face I can’t read.

  ‘Hi … When did you get back?’

  ‘A couple of hours ago. I dropped my stuff back at home, popped into work … I rang the spa, to see if you were there, but Carmen said you were working from here today.’

  ‘I am.’ He’s been home. Had he realized Liam stayed the weekend? With me? Had we left any trace of him there? No. We were careful. We’re always careful. ‘Did everything go okay? In Cardiff?’

  Were you alone, Michael? Did you go there, alone?

  ‘It was fine.’ He shrugs. ‘It was a guest lecture. I do that stuff day in, day out.’

  Was she there, with you? Did she make the monotony seem that little bit easier to deal with? Your distraction?

  ‘We need to talk, Ellie.’

  My stomach sinks, my breath catching in my throat. Is this it? Is he going to tell me he’s leaving me? Or is he coming back to me? Has time away really healed some of those wounds? Has it started to fix something?

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘Somewhere more private. How about we go to lunch? We could go to our restaurant. We haven’t been there for a long time, have we?’

  My stomach dips again. I know he’s been there without me. I
’ve been there without him, but I was alone. He wasn’t.

  ‘I’m not really hungry.’

  ‘Liam says you haven’t been eating …’

  ‘You’ve spoken to Liam?’

  ‘I asked him to keep an eye on you, while I was away. I’m worried about you, Ellie.’

  Liam never told me, that Michael had asked him to keep an eye on me. He never told me he’d even spoken to Michael before he went to Cardiff. Is he lying to me too?

  ‘You shouldn’t be. I’m fine. And I’m eating plenty, Liam shouldn’t be telling you anything otherwise.’

  ‘He’s our friend. He cares about you.’

  In ways you’ll never know, Michael.

  ‘Did he tell you anything else?’

  ‘No. Just that … that you’re keeping yourself busy.’

  I start to gather my things together, leave instructions with the salon manager about a delivery that’s coming this afternoon, and then I leave. With Michael. We walk side by side, not touching each other, through the streets of Durham city, heading towards our restaurant. But it doesn’t feel like our place anymore. It stopped being that the second I found out he’d taken someone else there.

  ‘It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Since we came here.’

  I look at Michael as he quickly scans the menu outside. But I don’t say anything.

  ‘Shall we go in?’

  I nod and follow him into the restaurant. We’re seated at a table by the window, which is nice, I like to people-watch sometimes. I like to imagine what’s going on in the lives of others, it’s another way of escaping my own.

  We order drinks, tapas, bread and olives, and I look at my husband across the table as a hundred memories of previous visits here flood my brain. Happy memories. They’re all tainted now.

  ‘I’m not having an affair, Ellie.’

  Liar.

  ‘I didn’t say you were.’

  ‘You implied it.’

  ‘Then I’m sorry.’ I’m not.

  He narrows his eyes as he looks at me. And I suddenly realize I haven’t checked the tracker all morning. I knew he was flying home today, and yet, I didn’t check to see where he really went after he landed at Newcastle airport. Did he go home? Did he go to the university? Call the spa? I need to check now. Before he starts talking.

  ‘I won’t be a minute,’ I say, pushing my chair back and making my way to the toilets.

  Once inside I lock myself in a cubicle and pull out my phone. I log onto the app, check his movements from the second he arrived back at the airport. He did go home. He did go to the university. He called the spa. Everything he told me he did, that was true. Has he seen her? If she wasn’t with him, in Cardiff, has he seen her since he got back? She’s one of his students, he could have seen her at work. He certainly hasn’t called her today. She hasn’t called him. Yet. I really need to be more vigilant. I’ve been spending too much time with Liam lately, I’m forgetting to check things as often as I should.

  I go back into the restaurant, but I wait a second before I head back to our table. I’m watching Michael as he chats to one of the waitresses, a pretty red-head who can’t be much older than eighteen or nineteen. She could be another one of his students, a lot of them work jobs like this. He could know her, or he could just be using his charm to flirt, he can’t seem to stop himself from doing that. He certainly has her transfixed as he speaks, as he smiles at her. She laughs at something he says, and I feel sick, my stomach once more twisting itself up into a tight and painful knot.

  Do you not see what you do, Michael? How you encourage them to come to you? Can you not see how dangerous that is?

  I wait until she’s finished placing our food and drinks down on the table and finally leaves before I make my way back to Michael.

  He looks up as I sit down, and I reach for my glass of wine, taking a long sip.

  ‘Is everything okay, Ellie?’

  I look at him. And I feel sad and confused. I feel angry, that we’ve let ourselves become these people. ‘Everything’s fine. What did you want to talk about?’

  He averts his gaze, starts fiddling with the napkin next to his plate. ‘I think I should move out. Just for a while. I really think it’s for the best.’

  I don’t know what to say. How to feel. Give him space, Liam said, and he’ll come to me. But he isn’t, is he? He isn’t coming to me, he’s leaving me.

  ‘Do you? Think it’s for the best? You think that’s going to solve all our problems, you, walking away from them?’

  ‘I’m not walking away from anything, Ellie …’

  ‘You are.’

  ‘I’m not walking away. I’m giving us some space.’

  ‘You’ve just had space, Michael.’

  ‘I’ve had a couple of days. It isn’t enough.’

  His words floor me. They’re like a knife to my heart, the hardest punch to my stomach. They hurt.

  I keep my eyes on him, he isn’t going to think I’m weak, I’m not letting that happen. I’m not weak, and I’m not losing this fight. I know he’s still lying to me; telling me to my face that he isn’t having an affair, that’s just a smokescreen. He thinks by telling me that I’ll believe him, I’ll take his word. No. I’m not doing that. I can’t stop him from leaving, if that’s what he wants to do, but I will make sure I know where he is at all times. He isn’t going to get away with this dangerous game he’s playing. And she isn’t going to win.

  ‘Then go. If that’s what you want.’

  He frowns. What did he expect here? Did he think I’d break down in a wailing heap and beg him to stay? I want him to stay. I’m not begging him. But I am going to confront him, with the truth. When I finally get it. I’ll make him realize the mistake he made; the mistake she’s making. And mistakes have to be paid for.

  ‘I really do think it’s for the best, Ellie. I don’t think either of us has really had time to deal with what happened, not properly. I’m not sure we’ve let the enormity of it all sink in, not yet, and I don’t want it to pull us apart, I really don’t – but I feel like that’s what it’s doing.’

  ‘What I’m doing?’

  ‘I didn’t say that. Don’t put words in my mouth. What we went through, it was incredibly difficult, we faced something no couple should ever have to face, but instead of time healing, I think it’s only made things worse.’

  No, Michael, you’ve done that. You’ve made things worse, by your reckless actions. Your betrayal. Your inability to see that you’re encouraging history to repeat itself.

  ‘Where will you go?’

  ‘A friend is going to let me stay with them.’

  ‘A friend? Who?’

  ‘You don’t know them. Just someone I used to go to college with.’

  I feel my stomach twist up again, his words – his lies, stabbing at my heart. A friend I don’t know? I know all of his friends. He knows all of mine.

  You’re staying with her, aren’t you, Michael? Your distraction. Ava. You’re going to her.

  ‘This isn’t forever, Ellie.’

  I look at him. And I want to believe him, I want to believe everything he tells me but I can’t. I once trusted this man with every fibre of my being, but now I trust nobody. There are times I don’t even trust myself.

  ‘We will get through this.’ He reaches across the table for my hand and I let him take it; let him squeeze it tight. ‘I promise you, Ellie, we’ll get through this.’

  Will we?

  He smiles. A smile that always used to make everything better. A smile that’s now just masking the lies, hiding the truth …

  For better, for worse …

  Does he remember those wedding vows?

  Do I …?

  Chapter 12

  He wasn’t angry with me. He was calm. Had he used that trip to Cardiff to think about things? Or had he let her persuade him that leaving me was the best thing to do? Is this the beginning of her end game? Is she building up to the point where she finally makes him leave, for good
? That chance will never come. She can try, but I’ll make sure it never happens. I need Michael. He needs me. End of story.

  He’s been gone for a couple of days now. Staying in a hotel in Durham, not with a friend like he told me he was.

  More lies.

  I’ve been keeping track, I’m still listening to his calls, and so far he hasn’t spoken to her. Not over the phone, anyway. And he hasn’t been to that house in Chester-le-Street. He’s gone to work. The gym. Back to the hotel. But I keep watch, because I’ll know if he goes to her. I’ll know.

  I feel fingers tighten around my wrist, feel Liam pull my arm back behind me, gently prising the phone from my hand, his other hand on my hip as he puts my phone down on the countertop.

  ‘Enough, Ellie.’

  I turn around, remove his hand from my hip and I look at him. Right into his eyes. I can’t even remember asking him to come round, but I must’ve done. I must’ve needed him, for him to be here.

  ‘I’ll decide when it’s enough, Liam. Not you.’

  He edges past me, picks up my phone and slides it into his pocket. ‘It’s not healthy, what you’re doing.’

  He always did have an air of arrogance about him, something Michael never had. Arrogance. But with Liam, it was always there, in the background. I can see it now, more clearly than I ever could.

  I reach for his pocket, for my phone, he doesn’t get to take shit away from me, what am I? Some errant teenager he feels the need to punish? But he grabs my wrist, grasps it tight. He stops me from retrieving what’s mine.

  ‘Let go of me.’

  He shakes his head, his eyes burning into mine. ‘You know where he is. You’re just torturing yourself now.’

  I laugh, and I try to wrench my arm free of his grip but he’s holding onto me too tightly. ‘Who do you think you are? You have no right to take my things …’

  ‘He’s asked me to make sure you’re okay, did you know that?’

  ‘Like he did when he was in Cardiff? Why didn’t you tell me, huh? That you’d spoken to him?’

  ‘There was no need to tell you. I didn’t have to tell you anything just now, but sometimes I think you need to see the messed-up irony of this entire situation. Maybe then you’ll think about ending it. All of it. Maybe then you’ll think about moving on because it’s time, Ellie. To move on.’